Am I missing?
by love-r-of-Jam
Summary: When Lorelai gives Luke the ring back and leaves town, it's up to luke to fix what he broke, and in the process realize how important Lorelai really is to him.
1. Am I Missing

**Am I Missing?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. That includes Gilmore Girls, Luke and Lorelai, and especially Dashboard Confessional. **

**Summary: Lorelai gives Luke back the ring when she realizes she can't handle the lies anymore. It's up to Luke to fix what he broke. **

**Authors Note: I am a total Java Junkie. Well junkie. I intend for this to be happy, and it's insured, don't you worry about that. I am just playing around with them for a little bit, I will put them back where they were, don't you worry! **

Lorelai Gilmore had gone through a lot of things in her life. She had learnt that not every child grows up feeling loved and cherished by their parents. She had learnt that being witty and energetic didn't always guarantee you the friends you yearn for and the loves you wait for. And even the surest thing you ever felt can disappear in a second.

With each man that she was with, it had made her feel satisfied for a little while, but she always knew that there was something out there for her. She knew that a man was feeling the same as she was, and that when she found that, she had to make sure held onto him.

Being with Luke was easy. She knew you weren't supposed to be able to count on the guy you were dating, but she did. She knew Luke would never lie to her or to hide things from her. She was the one who did that. Luke was the kind of guy who she knew would have stuck by her through thick and thin, and late at night, she would stare at him, wondering how she became so lucky.

That is until one cold afternoon, she had learnt that not everything was perfect. She had lied to him before. But never would she hide something to the same extent that Luke had hidden from her.

The minute she had heard the words that Luke had a daughter, she had gone numb. She had secretly looked forward to the day that she would have his kids, and some faceless woman had taken that away from her. She would be a hypocrite to say she was upset that he had a kid.

She wasn't the paragon of virtue; she was glad that he had found about her. She didn't hate April, and she knew that if she ever met Anna, she probably wouldn't hate her either. But what she hated was Luke's decisions.

At first he acted like there was nothing wrong. He forced a smile, and he figured that she wouldn't notice. He stayed awake at nights and thought of all the ways he could tell Lorelai, but when the sun rose, he would put on a happy face, and continue to scare Lorelai.

She thought it was because no decisions were made about the wedding. So that's when she decided to humor Sookie about the napkins, and suddenly everything fell into place. And when she had planned everything, that feeling that Luke gave off became stronger.

If she hadn't walked into that diner when she did, she would have stated to believe it was her. Now that he had her, no holds barred, suddenly that allure that compelled him for so long vanished. She found herself editing her comments, and trying to be more like everyone else. She didn't come up with nicknames for him, she tried to be the kind of girlfriend/fiancé that he would be proud of, and then she walked into that diner and found out that it didn't matter what she did or said, he wasn't even concerned about her.

He said he didn't know how to tell her, but frankly she didn't buy that. He knew her history, he knew that the minute Chris told her that Sherry was pregnant, she was supportive and she made sure that Chris gave this life a chance.

At night now with Luke sound asleep, she would stay awake and try to figure out when things went so wrong? Was it the minute Christopher walked back into her life? She would have never talked to Chris ever again if it were possible. Or was it the minute she proposed? They had been on track, and suddenly that brought a whole new realm of problems? Or was it simply always there and she had never noticed it.

She found herself sad all the time. Each day that Luke kept secrets about April; a little bit of Lorelai was chipped off. He would come to bed and he wouldn't kiss and hug her like he did. There love life was non existent, and simply they became just spectators in each others lives, and then one day Lorelai woke up and she knew she couldn't do it anymore.

She got up and showered and put on her pretty shoes, thinking that this would be another day. A day of her avoiding the diner and Luke not noticing. And the townspeople asking her about April, when they probably knew more than she did. They knew about her before Lorelai did.

And looking at Luke's side of the bed, cold and distant, she sighed and looked at her ring. When she had first gotten it, it was a symbol of their commitment. And now it just seemed to mock her. A little memory of how good things were briefly, so she sighed and took it off and put it in the black velvet box it had been in. She walked with purpose and handed it to a stunned Luke, with April watching.

She had approached April stuck her hand out and shook April's hand. 'Hi, I'm Lorelai. You've got a great dad.' And she had turned around and left the Diner and she got into her jeep and didn't look back.

Her cell phone rang from distressed people. Too many calls from Luke questioning her, and some from Rory who was just concerned and even a message from Sookie with a slight 'told ya so' tone to her voice, but she just ignored them and she turned over in the floral happy print duvet on the bed she was on.

After all, who would ever guess that Lorelai Victoria Gilmore would ever go to the Cheshire Cat willingly ever again, but then again, most people thought that she was meant to be with Luke. But if she were really meant to be, would she feel so run down?


	2. This Ruined Puzzle

**Am I Missing?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. That includes Gilmore Girls, Luke and Lorelai, and especially Dashboard Confessional. **

**Summary: Lorelai gives Luke back the ring when she realizes she can't handle the lies anymore. It's up to Luke to fix what he broke. **

**Authors Note: I am a total Java Junkie. Well junkie. I intend for this to be happy, and it's insured, don't you worry about that. I am just playing around with them for a little bit, I will put them back where they were, and don't you worry! **

**Thank guys, for all the great reviews and the support. I didn't know if anyone else would read this, I just kept on thinking that she would have to leave at the end of last Tuesday's episode. Thanks again, and keep on reading and reviewing. **

It was ridiculous that she was here. The Cheshire cat was full of memories of her escape from marrying Max, and here she was, after she had done something that any other people would think was crazy. She stared at her 'one' in the face and walked away from marrying him.

Her whole body ached from missing him. It wasn't easy but she knew that if she stayed, she would end up being miserable and bitter. She couldn't sleep and she would think back to see if she could figure out exactly where she went wrong.

She knew she couldn't stay in that ostentatiously floral room for much longer, so she went out. Just like last time there was an eclectic group of people that she would normally mock. They were kind to her and suddenly; she didn't think that this place was so kitschy.

At night was the worst, she would close her eyes and she would think he was there and she would open her eyes and he was gone. But she had to learn how to deal.

Days went by slowly, but soon she helped out the owners at the Inn to occupy her mind. Rory had come and gone, trying to convince her to talk to Luke, but when she had told Rory the pain she felt being around him, Rory's tune was changed.

'Being around him is painful Rory, you got to understand that. Knowing that he doesn't quite feel the same way, and that one of these days he would realize that maybe he was wrong all those years. You always want something that you can't have, and now.. I think he see that.'

I had said to her and she had looked at me in the same way she used to when she found out that her father had forgotten to call her on her birthday, or when he didn't show up. It took me awhile to get used at how quiet being on your own really was.

I had somehow involved myself in serious relationships the minute Rory left my house and went to college. I didn't know if maybe I was incapable of being alone, but this was my time to explore that. So every time I yearned to call Luke, I thought of the pain he inflicted and suddenly, I knew I could do this.

Luke Danes had gotten over a lot of things, but nothing quite felt the same as when Lorelai handed him back the ring. He never thought that she would ever even think about it, but here he was, sitting in their empty house, with the ring and no Lorelai.

In fact he had no idea where she was, and no one was telling him anything. He didn't understand why she would do this. She was the one to propose, she was the one who made the idea ok, and she just took it away with no discussion. Shouldn't he even get the right to make that decision?

He knew that not telling her right away was a bad thing, but his life was on cue and then all of a sudden his life changes in this unalterable way, and how is he supposed to tell her that?

He should have probably told her right after he talked to Anna, but he was bombarded with memories of the past and to be suddenly assaulted with the past, present and future, made him do and say things he now regrets.

He still can't get over her face when she heard the words from April's mouth. 'He's my father.' It was like the light of her eyes and her whole self just immediately dimmed, and nothing he could say could change that.

After they had decided to postpone the wedding, he noticed that she was quieter, not quite the same zany person he loved. She would shy away from his touch and she would keep to herself. Even going to the lengths of staying with Rory in New Haven and Sookie's to avoid him, but at the time he didn't notice.

He was too caught up in his own mind and his own future responsibilities that he didn't notice that Lorelai was disappearing right in front of his eyes. He had stupidly thought she would understand, but who was he kidding, she didn't even know what was going through his mind.

Luke sighed and took another sip of his full glass of scotch. He hadn't really left the house since he got home from the diner that night and he planned on not leaving until she came back and demanded he leave, so he would sit here with Paul Anka, waiting for Lorelai to come home.


	3. The Sharp Hint Of New Tears

**Am I Missing?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. That includes Gilmore Girls, Luke and Lorelai, and especially Dashboard Confessional. **

**Summary: Lorelai gives Luke back the ring when she realizes she can't handle the lies anymore. It's up to Luke to fix what he broke. **

**Authors Note: I had two versions of this, one with a full on confrontation, and then this one, so I hope you like this. I figured it was way too much, and I hope that you continue to give me the amazing support that you have been..well giving me. **

**I got a lot of comments about it being angsty and dramatic. And normally I like (hopefully) an even balance, but I need some angst people. ASP is determined to torture me with the lack of java junkie scenes, so I must make my own. **

Lorelai managed to avoid the evitable for almost a month before she realized she had to go back. Or make a decision. She didn't want to leave her home and her business and the town, who had supported her and been there for her all these years. And she missed Paul Anka so much.

She didn't want to leave him, but she didn't know where she was going and let's face it, the dog was weird. He had weird quirks and she didn't know if he could even survive the trip without some of his mind going.

She thanked the people of the Inn and the surrounding town who seemed to accept her with open arms. She couldn't believe how nice everyone was, especially to some strange woman who had come to live in an Inn.

Lorelai drove home all the while conscious of the decisions she needed to make. She didn't want to see Luke, and she hoped that somehow he had simply disappeared. And once that thought came and went, she would mourn the loss of him in her life. She knew she had made the right decision, but she still hadn't quite dealt with the repercussions of her actions.

She first drove to the crap shack and she saw Luke's truck there and she sighed. If she went in there she would have to deal with him, but if she didn't, she couldn't get Paul Anka. So she sighed got out and walked up the steps and pushed open the door.

It was weird to think that she hadn't stepped into her house for so long, and now it didn't feel the same. It looked the same, and there wasn't that distinct freshly brewed coffee that somehow managed to seep into every crack and crevice in the house. She saw that Luke was asleep on the couch with Paul Anka sleeping on his bed.

Lorelai gulped and tip toed past him up the stairs and went to pack more of her things. She had managed to find a Laundromat close to the Cheshire cat, but she wanted some nice clothes. She grabbed the quilt she made of Rory's baby clothes and she took a nice picture of Luke and Lorelai when they had been happy and blissful.

She noticed a new picture that was put in between an old school photo of Rory and another one of the once happy couple. There was a picture of April smiling to the camera with a brunette woman and Luke. And at the sight of it she almost sobbed. She whirled around and threw the picture in the open suitcase, and slammed it shut and hurriedly zipped it up and lugged it downstairs.

Paul Anka was awake by the time she managed to as quietly as she could lug the thing to the entryway. He made no sound, almost as if he knew what his mistress plan was. Lorelai kneeled down and rubbed the rough fur behind his ears and smiled. 'I've missed you.' She whispers and takes the leash that is hanging off the hook and looks around to see if she can write a note.

She scribbles something random and is about shuts the door quietly but she can hear a muffled 'lo and she runs to the car and pulls Paul Anka behind her. The door opens as she backs her car out and as she turns to go down the street, she sees Luke's sad expression.

When she gets to her temporary home, Dragonfly Inn, she turns off her car and rests her head on the steering wheel. Even from the distance she could see how sad Luke really was, and for the first time it occurred to her, that maybe Luke is feeling the same pain as she was?

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Luke had seen her and he had pretended to be asleep the whole time, knowing if he rushed up and asked her questions, she would run faster and harder and he didn't know if she would come back. It hurt that she took the dog, in a way they were suffering together that Lorelai left them.

Now he was in it alone. With no one to stay up with him while he drank. Luke was not a man who drank a lot, he was a beer man. He knew it and he liked that it was a safe drink. He knew how much was too much and he knew exactly his limit, but scotch was the kind of drink that you could drink and get drunk. It dulled the pain and it made him feel like he was there.

Luke in all of his days thought that nothing could feel worse than when his father died. He felt like he was alone in the world and that no one would catch him if he fell, and then Lorelai came in. Even as friends, he knew that if something happened she would be there. And now he messed that up.

He sighed and closed the door after seeing her retreating car. He had made the wrong decision in not talking to her. He should have acted on his instincts and his conscious and begged and pleaded with her to come home. To tell him why she felt the way she did and why she looked so satisfied the day she handed him back the ring.

There was a note and all it said was that she had taken Paul Anka and thanks for taking care of him. No mention of where they were, of where she was, and why she had to leave Stars Hallow. If she was even staying there, or if she was disappearing once again. He picked up a discarded glass that once held his solace, nice neat scotch, and he threw it against the wall.

Luke was angry and he could feel it boiling up in a way that he knew he couldn't control. His father taught him that anger didn't get you anywhere. It took good men to bad places, and that he had to learn that lesson himself.

And now here he was, being faced with that life lesson. He could yell and scream and track her down and force her to talk to him, to explain exactly how having a daughter made him such a horrible person that he didn't get an explanation why his fiancée just took off without any explanation.

For days he sat by the phone just waiting for one of her ramblings. His fingers itched to pick it up and dial, but he knew he would get nowhere, and it was true. She had caller id, and she made sure that the people who knew where she was, didn't breath a word.

Even Rory, who had always been in his corner, had shook her head sadly and told him that maybe this was for the best. 'She's just can't take it Luke, that's all.' She had said and then told him that she had a lot of work to do.

Luke didn't get it. He knew there were seven stages of grief. And he had tackled some in the 3 or more weeks since she had given him his walking papers. He had handled shock pretty well. He had sent April home and then sat in his apartment and just stared at the ring. Hoping that it would materialize its owner, and Lorelai would smile or even cry and he would get his chance to explain.

Then the denial came, that Lorelai had to nurse some sick friend he didn't know about, or simply she was running, just like Max. But she would be back, because he was her Luke, and he was the one that never lied to her, never made her feel anything less than the amazing person and woman that she was. And that's when it hit him. He had done what he swore he would never do, if he got the chance to be with her.

He had lied to her, and worse of all, he knew what he was doing, and he didn't try to fix it. And once she did know, he didn't try to even talk to her about it. He had seen the looks of pain on her face, but he just figured that she was sad that he had lied. Never did he believe that she was sad because of their relationship.

And of course he noticed that they almost stopped touching. Lorelai had always been a very touchy person. Even as friends she would place her hand on his arm or would hug him, and she just stopped. No kiss, no hug and certainly nothing in the sex department. And it made him ache just to touch her one last time.

He knew he felt guilt; he was a Danes man, that's what they did best. He felt the kind of guilt that changed you, that made your insides raw and now he had to deal with it.

And finally he now felt the strongest and most painful. Anger, true, clear, all consuming, never going to let up anger. Anger at everything and nothing. Angry that Lorelai didn't have the decency to tell him that she was alright, and anger at himself and the universe for losing the very best thing in the world.

He was stuck brewing in his own anger, while Lorelai cried for the life she lost.


	4. Rapid Hope Loss

**Am I Missing?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. That includes Gilmore Girls, Luke and Lorelai, and especially Dashboard Confessional.**

**Summary: Lorelai gives Luke back the ring when she realizes she can't handle the lies anymore. It's up to Luke to fix what he broke.**

**Authors Note: I hope you guys like this, and hopefully I can write another part after this. I can't seem to figure out how I can fix what I broke. He he**

**And the last episode was amazing, and some great java junkie moments. But it still didn't fulfil what we all need. An explanation.**

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Rapid Hope Loss

Luke waited three more weeks until he finally saw Lorelai again. He did his drinking and he did his sitting in the dark hoping that either Lorelai walking into the room or the world-ending thing. April had come by and he tried to act like everything was hunky dory, but in reality it hurt to breathe.

He tried to smile and finally it took Anna and April sitting him down and threatening him with ice cream to make him talk about what was going on.

He tried to explain to them why he didn't tell her about having a daughter. 'I was trying to process.' Luke tried to say but it never felt like he was really telling the truth. Even to himself. People just didn't understand, and he felt so alone.

April had been there when it had happened, and she had seen this new father figure in her life go from being somewhat elated to losing everything. She didn't quite understand why this woman, who was supposed to love her father, could just walk away and look victorious.

So that's why April took it upon herself to fix it, she felt she had something to do with it and so she rode her bike to the Inn and she was not going to leave until she talked to Lorelai.

April had seen little things all around the diner and the apartment upstairs that proved to her that her father was in love with Lorelai. A picture of Lorelai and what she assumes is her daughter on the fridge in the actual diner and there were pictures and things all around that screamed to her that someone other than Luke had put them there.

So she had walked into the Inn and had to smile at how homely it felt. Someone had to be pretty special to capture her father's heart the way that Lorelai did. A pretentious looking man sneered at her. 'Your are small, what are you doing here.' The man said in a clearly thick French accent.

'I'm looking for Lorelai?' April said trying to sound like she belonged there. The man just almost snarled at her and pointed to the kitchen and April just smiled at him. She was taught to be polite, no matter how rude anyone was.

The kitchen was a flurry of activity with kitchen staff running around and April saw Lorelai speaking to a bubbly woman dressed in chef clothes. April squared her shoulders and went over to them and Sookie looked shocked and Lorelai just closed her eyes.

'I need to speak to you please.' April said and Lorelai sighed but nodded. 'Thanks Sook let me know.' Lorelai smiled at April and led her to a small office.

'Does your dad know where you are?' Lorelai asked and April shook her head. 'I don't think he would understand what I am trying to do.' April said and sits down while Lorelai sits down in her chair. April could tell that maybe her first thoughts about the situation were wrong. Lorelai looked broken and worst of all she looked almost scared.

'And what are you trying to do.' Lorelai asked. 'I don't want him to be miserable and right now he is, and I think it's my fault.' Lorelai shook her head. 'It's really complicated, but it was never about you Hun. I don't know you and you don't know me, but I can guarantee you that it's not that you exist. It's just complicated.'

April had known that Lorelai had a daughter at a young age. Luke had talked about Lorelai a couple of times before the big thing that happened. Luke smiled that soft smile when he spoke of Rory and Lorelai. It would be wildly hypocritical for Lorelai to be so upset that Luke had a child.

'You just need to go back and so he can leave his apartment and stop barking at everyone. My mom is worried.' April said and Lorelai sighed.

'Look April, if it was that easy than I would have done so. You weren't even the reason, so don't think that. It was stuff that was wrong before that we didn't deal with. I just can't be in pain anymore.' Lorelai says and April just nods.

'You need to talk to him then, help him live without you then, because as is, I don't think he can last much longer.' Lorelai shook her head and tried to deny. 'Please you got to help him please?' April asked and Lorelai sighed.

'If things were different, I would have swore that you just did the patented Gilmore pout. Alright kid, let's go to the diner.'

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Lorelai had walked slowly beside April as she walked her bike back to the centre of town. She didn't know what to think of this girl. It was funny that now that she had managed to break away from Luke and start breathing without her heart breaking, one of the biggest reminders of Luke happened to walk into her Inn and plead for Luke.

She hadn't seen Luke since she ran from him and she didn't know what she was going to do. But this kid asked her and she knew that she would regret not helping her. She remembered when Luke started talking about April at first, before he stopped completely, and even then when she was in pain, she could see how much Luke was proud of his daughter.

'He's proud of you.' Lorelai says and April smiles at her. 'Yeah he tells me that a lot, and that he loves me.' April states and a part of Lorelai's heart breaks at the sound of that. She always knew he would be an amazing father. Too bad she can't see it first hand.

They got to the diner and she could see the people of the town noticing she was there. She had managed to avoid this area completely since she walked out on Luke and their life together. April opened the door and pulled Lorelai in, and the normal din in the place stopped completely.

'Ill be with ya in a sec.' Luke calls from behind the curtain and when he comes out he stops in his tracks. There standing with his wayward daughter who was supposed to be collecting snow samples, stood next to his fiancée, or should he say his ex fiancée.

'Lorelai.' Luke states and he rakes over her body like she would disappear in a second. 'Hi.' Lorelai whispers and both of them shut their eyes and April just watches in rapt attention.

'April came to see me at the Inn, so I am bringing her back.' April cleared her throat and looked pointedly at Lorelai. She sighed in frustration and gave the kid a look to kill. ' I think maybe we should talk?'

Lorelai said to Luke and he nodded. 'Yeah.' He looked at April. 'You think you could help Lane and Cesar?' Luke asked and April nodded. 'Yes and I will make sure that the rice to salt ratio is correct.' Luke smiled and ruffled some of April's hair and walked up the stairs.

Lorelai was biting her lip the entire time, imagining all the horrible things that could happen during this little talk. April had pushed her, but she knew that this had to happen. She had been just trying to deny that anything was wrong.

But she couldn't deny anything anymore.

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Luke didn't say anything until they were in his apartment. He looked at her face to see if he saw anything different. Or any evidence that she was in as much pain as he was. 'So.' Lorelai began and she looked around and she winced when she saw the bed. It reminded her of things that seemed to start off so amazingly.

'Why did you do it?' Luke asks and he steps forward. 'Because I remember you telling me that you wouldn't run, and it certainly looks like you broke your word. Why did you leave me?' Luke says and Lorelai tries not to cry. She tries to stay strong. 'You left me way before I gave you back the ring.' Lorelai yells back and they are both silent when they realize that they are both causing pain.

'I don't know why I let April convince me to come, this is doing nothing but..' Lorelai huffed and was about to leave when Luke called out. 'Just tell me what I did that was so wrong?' Luke looked older and defeated.

'It's not all of you Luke, we were just broken.' Lorelai states and sighs and looks around, thinking back when she felt at home here. His secret sanctuary that Lorelai had never know about for so long, and once more it was something she wasn't supposed to see. She didn't know why a small apartment would matter to her so much.

Luke sat down on his leather seat and it looked like his legs gave out. 'Where did you go?' Luke asked and Lorelai went to sit on the couch across from him. 'I needed some time to think.' Lorelai says and Luke scoffs. She says and slips past him and goes upstairs. 'You need time? That's all I get. You've been gone for three weeks Lorelai. No call, I didn't know if you were dead in a ditch.' Lorelai looks up in shock, where did this anger come from?

Lorelai knew that she couldn't take much else so she stood up and moved to leave. 'I'm sorry, but what's the point?' She said and looked around to see if there was anything that she could focus on, rather than looking into his sad blue eyes. Luke then stood in front of her. 'Just talk to me, tell me what I did wrong, we can fix this.' Luke says and Lorelai looks pained and she feels tears welling.

'I'm in pain Luke; I am physically in pain whenever I am around you. Can't you understand that? I thought that Christopher was bad, but you..' Lorelai pushed past him and grabbed her purse and a magazine she had left there months. 'I can't be around you right now.' And Luke sighed and let her pass and she went to the door, grabbing onto the door knob like it held her up from all the pain and weight she carried on her shoulders.

'If only.' She said and then walked out of the apartment and ran down the stairs and out of the dinner, running until she was at her house and she fell on the porch and began to cry, not caring that anyone could see her.

No one noticed the heartbroken plaid wearing man staring out the window in his apartment, wishing that he could take back everything that happened. And finally realizing that maybe there is more to this than just him not telling her about April.

'I need some Waylon Jennings.' Luke says as he closes the blinds to his apartment. 'I will fix this.' He promises and goes to sleep without the aid of alcohol.


	5. authors note

Hey All!

So if you noticed I haven't updated really in the last week, and I have a really good reason. I'm in FLORDIA! I will update once I get back home in Toronto on March 8th, maybe March 9th, to give me some more time.

I appreciate all the reviews I have been getting, nad believe me they are what makes me write each part. I know I have been getting some flames about spelling and grammar, and I am sory, but when I do the proper form, it loses some of it's ooompf. So it's either authors vision, or perfect grammar.

I will be back soon!

BYE GUYS

katie


	6. Ghost of a good thing

**Am I Missing?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. That includes Gilmore Girls, Luke and Lorelai, and especially Dashboard Confessional.**

**Summary: Lorelai gives Luke back the ring when she realizes she can't handle the lies anymore. It's up to Luke to fix what he broke**

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Rory Gilmore came home after many concerned calls and walked into her childhood home, and found that everything she expected flew out the window. The house was cold, and lifeless and it didn't have the natural vibrancy that Lorelai gave to the space. It was empty and if she hadn't been positive, she would have thought she walked into the wrong house.

She called for her mother, but got not answer and went into the kitchen and saw the empty and unused coffee pot and machine looking lonely in the mass array of kitchen appliances and forgotten take out cartons.

Rory climbed the stairs to what used to be her mother's room, but was the territory for both Lorelai and Luke, and didn't know what she would find. She had seen the scary grandma furniture and begged her mother for the sake of both of their sanities to maybe get a new bed. But instead she saw her mother curled in a little ball in the middle of the bed clutching discarded shirts.

'Mom?' Rory called out and got no response from her mother. The only time she had ever really seen her mother this bad, was the last Luke and Lorelai break up, and it took weeks for her to get out of bed and face the world. Rory really thought that maybe they had bypassed that this time around, but on second glance, her mom looked worse.

Rory had tried to provide what she thought her mother would have wanted, magazines, food, easy access to the phone and she cajole her to have a shower and change of clothes and then she went to find the person who did this.

She walked to the Diner with purpose and a definite grudge in her heart. She had yelled and ranted that her father always seemed to fail and never kept his word, but Luke was supposed to be the one who did. He was the father figure type, the one she could depend on and how dare he ruin that. And worse of all, how dare he not be there to fix what he broke.

Luke was the best at fixing anything, whether it was a broken faucet to a broken heart. He knew how to be compassionate and sweet and understanding, but never losing that gruffness that made Luke, well Luke.

But this time he was the Christopher. The one who disappointed and did the unthinkable. Rory wasn't sure how she felt about the new development. It was competition. Maybe she wouldn't be his source of pride anymore, and that scared her. She could always say without uncertainty that he was proudest of her. And now potentially April could have taken that away.

So she opened the door with wild abandon and went right up the counter. Luke looked surprised and he looked around to see if anyone else was near by.

'How could you?' Rory yelled and Luke sighed. 'Maybe we should take this upstairs?' And he told April he would be back. Rory glanced back at the interloper and she almost gasped. If she didn't know for sure that there was no blood ties between her and April, she would have sworn that they were related. She had seen that look, and given that look and had perfected that look.

'I'm Rory.' She said and she stormed upstairs not even waiting for luke to make the first move. She opened the door, and it was weird being in this space again. The last time she was in that space, she was with jess. And she didn't even want to go there. Not after Logan's betrayal.

Luke follows her quietly and for the first time she can see how heartbroken he was. She tried to not care how he felt, but this was Luke. He was there for her when she needed him and even when she didn't.

'You know she is the worst I've seen her, and only with you can I actually see her upset.' Rory watched the man she had hoped to be her father falter in front of her. 'I tried to fix it, I really did. But sometimes…' Luke didn't finish when he saw the look on Rory's face.

'I don't know how to fix this Rory, and I don't think she will ever let me try. She's so stubborn.' Luke says and Rory laughs. 'You had to know that.' Rory states and then shakes her head.

'When I was growing up I didn't understand why my dad was never around. It didn't occur to me that he didn't want to be around, but on my eleventh birthday I figured it out. I learnt how not to depend on men, and my mom made sure I wasn't exposed to the kind that would continually hurt me. But I never thought you would be one of those men.'

Rory studied what she said to Luke and noticed that he looked even more devastated. 'But that doesn't mean that you and mom aren't perfect for each other. We just have to figure out how to fix this. I'll help you Luke.'

Luke nodded almost absentmindedly. 'We'll fix this.'

Luke collapsed once Anna took April home and Rory finally left the diner. It was painful to sleep there, but it was better than sleeping in his truck, which is what he did the first two nights. If he closed his eyes and didn't say anything he could swear he could hear Lorelai laughing.

But tonight, exhausted after everything that happened, he closed his eyes and he was transported to a world where everything was right with the world.

_Luke rolled over and he felt a warm body against his side and he smiled. 'Mm morning.' He whispered and the woman smiled. 'It is a good morning, you know what would make it even better?' The woman asked and he smirked. 'A coffeeless morning?' The woman gasped. 'How dare you! Don't even say the words.' Luke chuckled and stared at his companion. He never noticed before how wild her hair was, and how blue her eyes were. He smiled at her. 'Where have you been my whole life?' She smiles and shrugs. 'Here and there, you never getting rid of me though.' Luke grabs her gently and they are locked into an embrace. 'God I hope not.' _

Luke woke up and sighed. Every night he was hunted by the possibility of nights with her and it seemed ridiculous. He couldn't even remember why things got so bad in the first place. All he wanted to do was hold her, kiss her and tell her that he wanted her in every way. So he got up, put on pants and shoved his feet in some shoes and stalked to his short lived home.

He banged open the door and Rory ran out frightened but she smiled at the sight of Luke stomping his way upstairs. He opened the door to his once bedroom and saw the woman he loved lying on her side clutching an old plaid shirt he had probably left there.

'I'm tired.' She says and he nods. 'I am too.' She sits up and her eyes are puffy and swollen from crying, but still she is even more beautiful than the vision of his dreams. 'When will it stop Luke?' Lorelai whispers in the quiet bedroom. He steps forward and she whimpers.

'When will what stop?' Luke asks and he sits gingerly on the bed. 'When will this fight end. I'm tired and bored.' She says and he smiles and he settles her next to him so they are cuddling. 'Let's sleep and decide in the morning.'


	7. The Swiss Army Romance

**Am I Missing?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. That includes Gilmore Girls, Luke and Lorelai, and especially Dashboard Confessional.**

**Summary: Lorelai gives Luke back the ring when she realizes she can't handle the lies anymore. It's up to Luke to fix what he broke**

**Authors Note: I really don't know how I am going to fix this story. I've gone over the plot line a million times, trying to find a reasonable and believable solution. So I am going to postpone the solution until I have one. Does anyone have a suggestion? I want it to be a happily ever after kind of deal, but Lorelai is stubborn. **

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Anna Nardini was once called Lucas Danes 'the one'. They had sparked in that way that made others jealous in high school. She was a tried and true Stars Hallowian. She knew the quirks and she was the exact opposite from Luke. From the time that she was aware of the town, she knew that there was something out there. Something better and exciting.

The only hitch in that plan was one Lucas Danes. He enthralled her and he was always a little out of reach. There was just something that made him not 100 there. His sister's messes or his father's business that he had to hold onto. It just seemed to Anna that there was never enough room for her.

But that didn't mean that Anna stopped hoping that one day Luke would look up at her and it would suddenly click in. That she was the one. That he was all in.

Waiting is not a joyous game for the impatient. She moved away went to design school, travelled the world and when she came to help clear out the Nardini house, there he was again. He was sweeping in the darkened space that once held the town's hardware store. He looked up and the spark that ruled their whole relationship in high school, was a' blazing again.

Luke filled her in on what had happened since her departure. And everything was peachy keen and suddenly the world outside of Stars Hallow wasn't so great anymore. Luke's diner was doing really well, and a regular stamp of the town. A town that didn't take new things well embraced this establishment. Luke was dealing with his father's death, his messed up absent sister and of course Rachael leaving in the middle of the night once again.

Things between Anna and Luke were always easy. You could say that both of them were laid back and their relationship followed suit. There were usually no mixed messages, or misunderstandings that resulted in fights. Some might say that there just wasn't enough fire to make any argument that important.

Soon, she felt that their relationship was just done. He became busy with his diner and helping Liz out once again, and Luke was out of reach once more and Anna left. Not realizing that she took away something a little more important than Luke's favourite Star Trek t shirt.

Now thirteen years after that last time she left Star's Hallow she drove into the little town that drove her nuts. She drove past the gazebo she would secretly wish Luke would take her to and dance with her under the stars. Pass the shops she would beg Luke to go with her. She walked into the diner and saw Luke himself, looking worse off than ever.

She flashes to when she first came back, and he had that lost and lonely look in his eye. The permanently wounded puppy, but this time it wasn't the death of a parent or loved one. His heart had been broken into a million pieces.

She had heard little snippets of what happened that day in the diner, when some women broke his heart. All her daughter (their daughter no less) had said was that this beautiful women had walked in and handed Luke a velvet box, said what a great dad he was and walked out, never to be seen again.

And now to look at him, it looks like he hadn't slept in weeks. There was nothing going on in his usually busy eyes. She had to sit him down and make him explain what happened, and he had simply said that he had driven away the one woman who would have never left. 'She's the one Anna, I was all in. I was there. What more does she want?' Luke said in a whisper of misery.

Anna suddenly got it. She got why it was always so hard for him to be all there; focused on her and their relationship. Luke was just waiting for that person, and she wasn't that person. Luke then told her about Lorelai's history. How she had an on going thing with the father of her daughter, and they were almost what Luke and Anna had been in their heyday.

'I can't keep on living like this Anna.' Luke says and he looks miserable, and that's when it occurs to her. Luke and her weren't something that was meant to be. She was definitely not Luke's 'one'. She was simply a practice run.

And once she talked to Luke, made him understand that he had to fight, and Lorelai would come to her senses, she left, determined to find the Luke to her Lorelai.

They would always have April, and the memory of their past, but Luke was just too occupied to be the person that she once wished he'd be. But that was ok for now.


End file.
